It is not for the weak. Everyone talks about the beauty of it, and rightfully so, but we also try very hard to hide the fact that we are all on the verge of a mental breakdown on the inside. The day we become mothers our whole world is changed. Who we were becomes a past version of ourselves. A version that you will soon forget about, due to the loss of sleep and sanity you are about to endure. A version that you will one day find yourself daydreaming about, because you have lost all sense of identity outside of your role as mommy. A version that you will wish to have back and then immediately feel guilty for, because you know that you are lucky and extremely grateful to hold this little life in your arms.

Not enough of us mothers talk about the anxiety that comes along with children. Before becoming a mom I was, for the most part, fearless. Now I spend a minimum of two hours of my day stressing about death. What if I do not get to see my baby boys grow into men? What if they do not make it to become men? What can I do to ensure they are safe at all times, without holding them back from living life? How do other women deal with this all the time? Am I crazy for allowing this to consume me? The thoughts are unnerving as well as unavoidable.

We as mothers also try so hard to hide the fact that we are not perfect. This has a lot to do with the universal standards set for mothers, along with our own stubborn pride. (Well, at least in my case) In today’s society we are constantly being judged, with social media making it easier and way more common. Mothers are always on their toes, trying to show the world that they got this down to a science. When in reality, we have so much on our plate that we spend our shower time crying because it’s the only place the world can’t see us being weak.

When mothers ask what to do with all these emotions and expectations? The most common answer you will hear is balance and self love, but what I am wondering is, how? Are there really people out there who can continuously clean house, take care of all of their child’s needs, wash/fold/and put away laundry, work a part time job, go to school full time, and have a healthy social life without skipping a beat? If so, where are you? Please, I am begging you to teach me your ways! 

This is in no way me bashing motherhood. Truth be told motherhood is what keeps me going. It is my foundation. The sticky kisses, bear hugs, and little I love yous melt away every negative, making them very mynute in the scheme of things. This is just me expressing emotions and thoughts that I know I can’t be alone in. The tears, anxiety, and stress should be talked about more because they are just as important. (Insert cliche inspirational quote here).