*Trigger warning* some topics within this poetry can be triggering for those with depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. If you need help, please ask for it! You are loved despite what your brain may be telling you.

1)

My anxieties are eating me alive

while I am stuck here inside

It is a weird time to be here

during this pandemic timeline

Politics are taking over and blurring

everyone’s common sense

A virus has turned us against each other

Why is no one seeing that the decisions we make now are vital?

2)

It is not “other voices” in my head

it is my own

But how could it be?

These things that I say

are lies about me

You see my brain wants me dead

so, I am constantly fighting a battle inside my mind

I do this because I know that I truly want to be alive

So why do I always beg myself to just die?

3)

There are no words for these emotions

They have me on a roller coaster and I am

always uncertain

Half the time I want to dance and sing

With every ounce of joy, I can muster up

The other half I can see no hope

My life is one big joke

Always worried about what others are

thinking

And never relaxing in order to keep up

with their demanding

4)

I am having such a hard time letting go

I miss you though you drain my soul

I know it is not your fault

And I feel guilty for not calling you up

But what do you do when someone always plays victim?

And never looks at you as if maybe you do know what you are doing?

What do you do when the one person who is supposed to encourage your dreams

is always discouraging without truly listening?

Constantly judging and doubting

Never cheering and clapping

5)

I am fascinated at how people end up on the life paths that they are on

Was their childhood dark or colorfully kind?

Were they loved or were they a burden?

These facts always stick out in my mind

We do not realize while we are experiencing things just how much they affect our brain

Guiding our choices without our consent

Having this knowledge is what has made me more compassionate

6)

I am on a journey that I have put off for so long

Facing demons that I thought were long gone

In reality, they have been hiding

only showing up in the meaning behind things

My outburst of anger

My patients of a toddler

My negativity that I have unknowingly let take over

It is time I step up and take care of my shit

My kids and husband deserve so much more than this

They need a woman who knows who she is supposed to be

and is laying out a life path that will lead her there someday

7)

I have spent my life dying for acceptance from the majority

Laying in bed at night dreaming of popularity

The funny thing is at one point I had my shot to be with the “it” crowd

But I decided I enjoyed life more with the burn outs

8)

Stanley

I miss you with every passing day

Your death is still so unreal to me

How could you be gone and not

piddling in your yard?

Your smile was one not many photos would catch

but my memory could never forget

How your Ha Ha Ha’s made my world whole

Now I am sitting here alone

Crying from the pain

of never seeing you again

9)

I cannot stop thinking of you today

I hope that means your spirit is close to me

Because I miss you so much and long for your touch

Just one more hug and kiss

To get me through this life without you physically here

10)

My love for you is strong

Like the rivers that brings life

Ever flowing and evolving with the scene

Hitting patches of low water but strongly

flowing on

Never letting the rough patches

deter it from its course

Steady and reliant

My love for you is Giant,

like the Mississippi

11)

When I am alone with you, I feel so alive

Joy runs through my veins and I thrive

I want to run off on an adventure

and sleep under the stars

I want to explore every inch of this Earth

and hopefully even Mars

Your love alone can carry me through any

rain so I am not worried about any pain

12)

I have a love/hate relationship with

Social Media

Everyday I want to delete it

but it is my only portal of

socialization

It is my go-to place to put myself

on display

Truly it is sad we all live our lives

this way

I find myself scrolling way more

then I care to say

I just feel like my life would be more

in the moment if I didn’t live like this

13)

I grew up being taught to be proud of the country I was born to

A country who had fought to be free from England

In order to create a country for all kinds

Over the years we have lost sight of this goal

and have become the laughing stock of our planet

Shunning Natives as if they were not here first

Treating Immigrants like dogs and ignoring that they put in the labor to build our cities

We have shamefully become a country who only values the lives of one skin color instead

of the entirety of humanity

We must not and cannot sit by silently

and let this continue to happen

14)

Something about not being able to feel winter’s freeze terrifies me

I want to leave an Earth for future generations to see

Not an inhabitable space rock they must desperately flee