The Gem · in · I

By: Britt Nichols 

For Matthew, Leo, and Dexter. I could not ask for a better pack. 

&

Danyelle Hatton for coming in clutch when

 I thought I deleted all my poetry halfway through writing this book.

A letter to my readers,

First and foremost, I want to thank you for taking the time to read my poetry. I also want to give you a warning about the content that is inside. Poetry is therapy for me, and it gives me the release of emotions that I desperately need. So, topics within these poems may be triggering or even offensive to others. It is not my goal to trigger and offend but to relate to others that may also be feeling this way. I want you to know you are not alone.

-Britt 

I’m a true Gemini

Living with an alter ego inside 

She is evil to the core

and super hard to ignore

She constantly reminds me

of my failures and faults 

Then she makes it clear that

I should not even be here at all

She mocks me every time that I am low

until it is almost too much to bear 

and I find myself struggling for air

But then she will gently pick me back up

and give me the encouragement I need to not give up

———————-

The other side of me is soft

and constantly trying to do her best

She tries her damnedest to be optimistic

despite the fact that fifty percent of her 

is naturally pessimistic

She loves puppies and things that shine

Plus, she really wants to save the Earth for mankind

She looks for the good in all souls

even if she is constantly finding nothing but black holes

She searches for greater things 

and strives to be seen  

The other side of me is a wholehearted believer 

Even if she is always mocked for being a dreamer 

Side One

1)

I can feel the depression kicking in again

These walls I have built for protection 

are wearing thin

I can see the wave of sadness as it makes 

it’s way towards me

No way to stop it

So, I brace for what is before me

Days of struggling to just push through

Putting a smile on my face so hopefully

it does not shine through 

Sitting in silence

while my brain eats me alive

Filling my thoughts with venom

I am just struggling to survive 

2)

I sit here before you tipsy and all feeling

Hopeful and hesitant

Oh no, I am slipping into my head again    

3)

How is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time?

A walking contradiction 

What lane do I belong in?

I know I want to be positive

but the negativity is ever so drawing

Calling my name so beautifully 

hoping to pull me in again

4)

When I was younger, I would fantasize about death 

Which way would be easiest?

Which way will there be less pain?

Slit my wrist or wait down by the tracks for the next train?

I used to be so willing to end this

constant torcher

The depression had completely taken over

The irony of it all is, I am terrified of death

but the thoughts have not left

I have just become immune to them I guess 

5)

I am destructive in so many ways

It is a game I like to play

I find myself waking up with each new day 

and thinking, how should I hurt myself today?

Shall I sit around on my phone and ignore 

the fact that I always feel alone?

Or shall I starve myself until I get so dizzy that I cannot stand?

Oh! I know what it shall be!

I will sit around and think about all the wonderful

things I want to be

Then I will remind myself that I will never accomplish anything

because I constantly tell myself that I am not worthy 

6)

Living on a Zoloft high

and a coffee buzz

Walking on a thin line 

with my thoughts in a fuzz

Everything seems upside down

Although I am standing on flat ground 

I tell myself everything is going to be ok

and I continue on with my day

7)

The hate that I have for myself goes deep

Although I can ignore it with a conscious state of mind

it creeps up on me in my sleep

My dreams reveal thoughts that I try to hide

They come from the darkest places of my mind   

These are thoughts that one must not think

if they truly want to continue to breath 

This is why I push them down so deep

because I really hate to sit around and weep 

8)

My brain does not want to be alive

So, I starve myself all the time

I am aware that I shouldn’t 

but I am scared to know what lengths

I would go if I couldn’t 

As I continue down my path of destruction

I have convinced myself that I do not need 

life instructions 

I willingly withhold myself from food

because I am addicted to self-hurting and

I do not know anything else I can secretly do

Ultimately, I know that I have so much to live for

I am just trapped in this cycle

with no way of sounding the alarm 

9)

My heart was broken at such a young age

I thought I was not deserving of loves grace 

10)

I spent so much of my youth 

silently crying in my room

Questioning my worth and

presence on this Earth

Barley getting through my days

with a book in my hand

always

Escaping into fictional worlds

and finding the courage to

stay strong in the

real world 

11)

Little girls are supposed to look up to their older family members 

but I have spent my whole life defending their name 

Only for them to question every life choice I have ever made? 

12)

I think my anxieties have set up

permanent residence in my brain

I do not know if I will ever be able to 

be myself again 

13)

It is lonely as hell here in my head 

It becomes so depressing sometimes

I can’t bear to get out of bed

My hateful thoughts have me confined 

I am trapped here on the inside

Reliving the lows of my life and

trying not to cry myself to sleep

at night

14)

Look in the mirror 

What do you see?

I see, a very unhappy woman

looking back at me

I can see the bags under her eyes

The lack of personal attention is

 hard to disguise  

If I look harder, I can see the

permanent glimmer of sadness

in her eyes

I wish I could help her, but she thinks

everything I say is a lie

15)

Every time I am in this room

thoughts of suicide loom

Positivity is no more

It is forced to be left at the door

I can feel myself backtracking from all my progress

Completely defeated; No longer positive 

16)

Doubt heavy on my mind

Thoughts of failure keep me in a bind

What if I am not enough?

What if all I am good at is creating a bluff?

17)

I need to clear my mind of all the negativity 

How does one go about doing that?

I understand it is only natural

But to what extent?

18)

Toxic people know how to get under your skin

If you allow them, they will move right in

They will feed off your hopes and dreams

until you are nothing but a shell of a being

You will ultimately be left feeling helpless and useless

No longer yourself you identify as,

Anonymous  

19)

I sit on my phone all the time

It is what most would say is a terrible habit of mine

I have many excuses, but my brain is the biggest one 

You see, it is writing that I want to be doing with my free time

Something about rhyming makes my brain have a positive vibe

But then my insecurities creep in

and take my thoughts for a spin

Ultimately, it is my fear that will not let me win

I then find myself scrolling through my time once again

20)

Motherhood is not for the weak

It tests your every bit of thinking 

You are always on your P’s and Q’s 

because after all, the entire world is watching you 

Constantly judging and being overbearing 

Making you question your every move daily

Do they know I love them more than my own life?

Am I doing this right?

These are only a few things that keep me up at night

21)

When I find myself trapped inside my thoughts

it is hard for me to get out

I feel completely glued in place 

Gravity spontaneously feels heavier around me

22)

My future is uncertain 

Which has my brain physically hurting

I cannot seem to turn off this state of panic

So, I find myself calling out before I go down

like the Titanic

But no one is listening

They have not noticed a thing

I turn around for one last look

Hoping that someone cares enough to show up

and help me off this hook 

23)

Sometimes I let my emotions out to play

and allow them to get the best of me

Regret and anger fill my mind

It takes me back to unbearable times 

I allow my emotions to make me feel small

I remind myself that I think I am nothing at all

Sometimes I let my demons out just to torture me

so that maybe I can live and be set free 

24)

Drowning in to-do lists

I just do not have the energy to do this

Procrastination is settling in

I am starting to feel as if I will never win

My brain is struggling for control

If I leave this bed, I might unroll

I must get my shit together

or I might stay drowning forever  

25)

Signs that anxiety is in control

Knowing you are loved because you have been

told so all your life 

But you find yourself questioning it all the time

Knowing that you are smart because you

make good grades

But talking yourself out of your biggest dreams

Knowing you are not ugly because you have

a pretty enough face 

But constantly questioning what you could do better

Knowing you are vibrant and unique 

But dulling yourself down to keep people

at ease 

Knowing you are a good mother because

your son tells you so all the time

But questioning your every move

because you really want to do this right

26)

I am melancholy today

I have been happy for weeks

but for some reason I just

woke up this way

I can feel it so deeply in my bones

I thought it had finally left me alone

You can only imagine the shock I felt

when I woke up to it sitting there deep within

my stomach 

Taunting me with its existence 

Challenging me every chance it gets 

27)

I can tell I am making progress 

but to be honest the look of my

body still makes me sick 

I feel self-conscious even in my

own home

My thoughts never leave me alone 

I want more than anything to love

this body of mine but I just can’t seem to

turn off this hatefulness in my mind

28)

Food Frustrations   

If I want to live a long life, why do I subconsciously forget to eat all the time?

29)

I have lost all sense of personality 

When did this become my reality?

I constantly feel like I am useless

and I can no longer handle this

Am I the only one?

Or are we all feeling this way?

While going through the daily motions

how do normal people deal with their emotions

and go on about their day?

30)

I’m starving myself again 

and not just to be thin

You see I use it as

self-punishment 

This is how I have perfected doing so

in silence so no one will worry about my self-violence 

I try my best to put on the perfect show 

but deep down I just need someone to

know 

I truly do not want to hate myself

and I am trying my best to get well

One day I know everything will be just swell 

31)

Diets  

I have trained my mind to be in diet

mode all the time

Controlling portions and

restricting nighttime snacks 

I have done this for so long

it is as if I have diet autopilot always on 

32)

Depression has got me down

These pills have me feeling like a clown

All I want is to feel better

but without all of this

Why can’t I just be happy that I exist?

33)

Social media is a disease, that has taken over our brains 

The majority have become addicts and are unaware of their demise

Blinded by likes and fake lives

Searching for meaning in our own minds

Being fed false opinions and lies

What was once just for fun and to share

Has turned into a battleground in thin air 

34)

I always feel immediately nervous 

when I experience moments of true happiness

Out of fear that if I lose myself in that happiness

it will be ripped out from under my feet

I always question if I deserve it,

happiness that is

Shouldn’t I pay for eternity for my sins?

Apologies have been made

Forgiveness was easily given

But deep down am I sure that piece of

shit person is not just lingering inside

Waiting patiently for her moment to shine

Therefore, I am always on edge

Never fully giving in

I would be lost without this little bit

of happiness that I have found

I must protect it

So, it can always be around 

35)

I have pushed myself too far again

My thoughts are running thin

I am full of hatred and self-doubt

No more signs of happy me frolicking about  

36)

Social Media has taken over my mind 

How did I not see this before?

I feel like an addict who just hit the floor

Scrolling has made me numb to the world around me

exactly like the alcohol coursing through me

Why do I have a need to be numb all the time?

Why can’t I be brave enough to face the emotions

I try so hard to hide?

37)

I fear that I will be my own demise

I try so hard to right my past lies

But ultimately, they still linger around

haunting me like Pennywise the clown

38)

Scrolling through my news feed

Trying to ignore the thoughts inside of me

Drowning them out with other people’s lives

so that maybe I will not have to deal with mine

It is all so stressful, and I am struggling to cope

I am so close to just giving up hope

But that is not an option anymore

So, I find myself sitting on the floor

Scrolling through my news feed

Trying to ignore the thoughts inside of me

39)

Having mentally ill parent takes its toll

It creates emotions that one truly can

not control

Anger, Shame, Sadness, and Guilt to name a few

It makes you question everything you thought you knew

Is what I believe to be normal even so?

Am I just as crazy or do I have full control?

I am learning it does not get easier with time

I can see the road ahead of me

and it is not a pretty sight

It has beautiful highs and devastating lows

It is never-ending sunshine mixed with rain

and constant inner battles of trying to understand their brain

All while defending their name; knowing it is in vain

Then followed by heartbreak that leaves infinite pain

40)

When reflecting on all the people I have hurt in my past

my little brother sticks out in my mind most  

I was an angry child and unfortunately for him

we were stuck in the same boat

I must say,

I am so ashamed of how my

younger self behaved

He deserved much more from me

A bigger sister that made him feel

safe instead of one who was mean

to him always

What is worse is I did all of this

while knowing he has the kindest soul

and is the most genuine human

I have ever known

I have spent all my adulthood trying to right my wrongs

But hurting my little brother 

I will never let myself off the hook for 

41)

We all talk about the heartbreaks of

ending a relationship 

What we do not talk about enough is

the heartbreaks of ending a friendship 

The rip in your heart that you feel

when you finally realize it will never be

the same again 

No matter how hard you tried to

right the wrong sometimes it is just    

not meant for your paths to 

continue on

It is so weird because there is now a

person out in the world with which

you no longer communicate, but they 

still occupy most of your happy memories 

You keep their secrets safe and

very well guarded 

You still miss them and silently root

for them regardless   

42)

These emotions I have might break me

I feel as if my thoughts are determined to overtake me

I find myself looking for the light

Just a glimmer of delight 

Something to move me forward

So, I can stop being tortured 

43)

Letting go of negative energy 

is getting the best of me

How do you just let go

of everything you have ever known?

The hurtful comments

and looks that sting

The wondering of why they must continue to be this way

How do you tell the ones you love no?

When they have taken so much of your soul

with actions that take away your emotional control  

44)

Success is near

I can feel it as I move forward

My fear is back again

Am I sure I should even win?

Do I deserve the happiness I have set out to find?

All my hard work and dedication

shows that it is long overdue

Yet,

Perfectly on time

So why hesitate?

Surely by now, I have learned that I am the person 

I always wanted to be

Someone who is resilient, but also polite 

I am always trying to do my best for my fellow mankind

So why the hesitation?

I ask myself again……

I think it is because I am afraid to let the light in

To be honest, I could not survive if I ever lost it again

45)

I miss you

and there is no way of hearing your voice 

I just need to see your smile

That can only happen in my memories now 

The trouble is, I cannot think of you

This loss is too new 

The pain rips through me like 

a double-edged sword 

Draining me of happiness

Leaving behind only sadness

46)

It has only been a year and I can

barely remember your voice 

Damn myself for never getting

around to recording it

47)

Sugar Bear

The emptiness you left is taking its toll

I feel as if inside I am starting to become a giant hole

Moving through the motions to avoid my pain

I cannot let it consume me

or I will never get out of this miserable rain 

48)

The sound of wind chimes takes me back

to a better time

When the air was light

and my innocence was bright 

The smell of spring brings back

strong memories of you

So strong that your smile echoes 

all the way to the moon

Summer days pass by in a haze

and I find myself thinking of how

you would have piddled about your day

The fall hurts most of all because you 

are not here to see another year

Winter is beautiful, but also numbing 

because I can no longer enjoy the sound of you 

humming 

49)

I am still not used to your absence

I feel like my life is spiraling into

madness 

50)

It is your birthday today 

and knowing I can’t physically 

see you anymore is killing me

It is your birthday today 

and I can’t even call to 

wish you a happy day

It is your birthday today

and all I want is to hear your laugh

But you are gone

and I am here

celebrating your day without you 

51)

A bad habit of mine is

leaving problems for my future self

I really need to stop doing that shit 

52)

I am fighting a losing battle with my mind

It has emotions of failure consume me all the time

I can no longer continue to live this life of dis concern 

It is time that I go out and seize what I deserve

But,

How does one change their destiny?

And finally change their legacy 

53)

Positivity is my goal

but life has turned my soul into coal 

I keep chipping away at it

Hoping it is just a thin layer that

can be removed 

But the further I dig I begin to worry

this is a battle I may not win

I have found myself here at an impasse

Do I give up and adapt to the darkness in my soul?

Or do I keep chipping away at myself hoping to

find light left to behold?  

54)

I cannot ignore this hollowness inside my chest

I can occupy my mind,

but ultimately there it sits

I am surrounded by fakeness

for as far as

my eyes can see

I know I am meant for greatness,

but they think I never will be

55)

Positivity!

Positivity!

Positivity!

Oh, the wonderful things you will do for me

Negativity!

Negativity!

Negativity!

Oh, how I wish you would be done with me

Side Two

56)

Little girl who is angry at the world

your emotions are valid and should be heard

Little girl with the drive to learn

make it known that you will not be deterred 

Little girl with a soul of fire

use that to fuel all your passions and desires

Little girl do not ever let them talk you out of your dreams

because you were meant to do magnificent things

57)

Life is about finding what sets your soul on fire

What makes you tick?

What makes you feel free?

It is a self-journey of discovery first and foremost

Many lose sight of this

I myself, am just starting to get a grip  

58)

Writing is my happy place

It is where I feel at home

I feel safe when I am here

and never alone

My words can flow musically

Instead of like a skipping CD you refuse to throw away 

59)

It is so funny that I have spent my whole life trying to figure out what career 

I am supposed to have

When all along I knew deep within my bones

writing was a part of me 

And the beauty of it is

I do not have to choose if I am a writer

I can experience it all with my keyboard and hands 

60)

Sometimes people look at me weird

when I tell them, I am a Writer

They cannot wrap their mind

around choosing art for a career 

Some have even discredited it all together 

But that is ok because I know I am doing

what my soul was meant to do

Writing my worries and joys all in one

Sharing my lows in hopes I am not alone

Using my words to paint pictures of the Earth 

And living my life happily, for once    

61)

My soul is strong, but my voice is weak

My passion for things is overwhelming 

But I cannot vocalize what I think

So

I always come back to paper and ink 

It is my safe place where I can take my time

and maybe try to throw in a tiny rhyme

So that I can express to you what is going on in my brain

A way that you can see clearly in 

62)

I grew up in a time where women took

center stage and showed the world

their true strength 

I have watched us transform over the years

No longer afraid to face our fears 

Standing up to a system that wants us to

stay stuck in our place

Breaking down barriers so that others can run the race

We are understanding we are better off as a team

It is how we will be able to concur all our dreams

We are embracing our qualities and making plans

Together we will succeed and make a difference

on this land!

63)

I am determined to bring change to a world of demise

Even if it is just a little

My words will rise

This Earth is too beautiful to 

let her slip out from below our feet

Although I must admit this challenge ahead of me 

will be hard to complete 

No matter how tough I will stand my ground

and fight for Mother Nature to stay around

64)

Activism is in my bones

It is all I talk about in my home

I debate about all of the things that are not right

and strive to make change and bring these issues to light 

I may be a small human being

but my love for this world is going to help change things 

65)

I feel so passionately about things

I overly obsess about positive change 

Just sitting here thinking about

being a part of important historical moves 

has my insides jumping from side to side

My body is completely willing to be at the

head of the picket line

Screaming and demanding justice

for all of mankind 

66)

I am so grateful I grew up in a time 

that feminism was on the stage to shine 

Growing up I knew my worth as a women

because I saw the hard work of those before me 

67)

Little girl sitting behind that desk

never stop doing your best 

Never let them take away your drive to

strive for greatness 

You are what this country will need to 

reach its full potential 

68)

My whole life I have been told

stop being so un-lady like

Cross your legs

Watch your cussing

Dress to impress the world around you is watching 

But not too well because you do not want to draw 

that much attention to yourself

Afterall being humble sells

You must learn how to cook and

how to expertly clean

You are a woman you have to do these things   

Play with dolls and learn your place

Young girls do not behave that way

I was lucky enough to see the lies

hidden inside what they define as “lady-like”

I knew deep down who I truly was inside

69)

Every time I turn on my TV

I see another thing that makes me want to protest in the streets 

We must start speaking up for ourselves

and stop letting the rich make us weak

They take us for fools

and have, always

It is now the time to make our voices heard

because frankly,

they have been quieted for far too long 

70)

I may be shy but that will ultimately become irrelevant 

I cannot sit by idly while my future is at risk

Everything we have fought for 

they would love to take it away

And they will not stop there

They will continue to take

They will take from the people and this Earth until

they break

It is our civil duty to put a stop to this

Before they put our whole democracy at risk 

71)

I do not strive to be extremely rich

I just want to comfortably live

Have bougie weekends if I want  

Without stressing about the consequences of it all

I work my ass off in this country

I at least deserve a life without stress

Just like the top one percent 

72)

Corporate America has ruined everything

It has taken the American dream and turned

it into a nonexistent thing 

This country has turned into one big hoax

A country that runs away from its problems

and paints a pretty picture for show

We have turned into a country of greed

One that no longer cares about our fellow human beings 

Only what is in our bank accounts matters most

You are broke, so that the rich can rejoice 

They take your money and feed their need

to run everything

They have you so fooled it is truly sickening

watching you all fall for their schemes 

73)

I am little but I am mighty

My voice may shake but I will keep fighting

Fighting for our human rights

and standing up for what is morally right 

Who are they to control our bodies?

And decide who is worthy?

Worthy of their grace

A spot at their table of hate

It is becoming abundantly clear 

the time for this is overdue and oh so near

We must revive this country into something new

A country that cares for its people

Not the greedy and deceitful

74)

I have spent my whole life listening to

the world’s opinion about women

I have witnessed them try to keep

us as housewives with every

chance they get

It angers me beyond belief 

gender roles are such a bullshit thing

Just because I am a woman and a mother

does not mean I should have to fight harder

Being a woman does not make me

less competent

If anything, it makes me stronger

having to always overcome such ignorance 

75)

I come from a generation that was destined to be progressive 

A fresh set of humans living a life of desegregation

With no prior knowledge of our race’s separations 

We knew a world before everything was technologically easy

We then grew up learning how to adapt to it quickly 

We have mentally prepared ourselves for two “end of the world” events

That gave us the strength to never give in

We have watched our country go from the vision it was trying to create in the sixties

To relapsing into its older and unacceptable ways so insensitively 

It is us that will eventually change this country into a more unified place 

A country that truly cares about its people and its land

Instead of the top one percent always coming in first place 

We will rebuild this country and bring happiness back to the middle class

No more being robbed with our hands tied behind our back

76)

Feminism is a way of life

It is deciding to stand up and fight

Breaking down gender roles

Setting higher goals

It is making sure the world knows

we are so much more than our body shows

Never backing down

and conforming to the “traditional way”

Staying true to yourself every single day

Only you decide who you are and your worth

Not some useless jerk

77)

I would love to be a politician someday

Once I can get over all my self dismay

Once I find my true voice

I will be strong enough to fight for the people of my town

Fight for their rights and the future of my home ground

Help it to become a place to be proud of

Instead of the dump that I had to crawl out of

A place that cares about all human race

and not just the whiteness of your face

Plus, I want to lead the way for climate change

and ensure our Earth and its species are here to stay 

78)

A lot of humans truly think that racism is no longer

found in American communities

We are fed this lie that we are all equal

As we should be

Unfortunately, for most those lessons are not

continued at home

There, most are taught differently

You hear your parent’s opinion 

and it is hard to unsee

This type of hatred festers and breeds

continuing the cycle of silent hatred in the streets 

79)

Losing family over moral issues

is extremely painful

It has become so hard for me to understand

These people I am having to cut out of 

my life for my own self peace

are so special to me

I just do not see what is keeping them blinded

Unable to stop with all their outdated beliefs

While people are literally dying in the streets

This self-journey I am on is breaking and healing me

at the same time 

I just wish they could see into my mind

I am not as radical as they would think 

I just truly care for my fellow human beings 

80)

People are quick to talk about cutting

toxic people off and how it is 

beneficial 

The part they leave out is the

grievance process that comes

along with this

No one talks about the magnitude of pain you must work through 

The strength you must have to not associate with them anymore

No one mentions how much you will cry

or

How your heart breaks in two

But please do not let me discourage you

from letting them go

because this heartbreak

is going to be so good for your soul 

81)

Personal reminder 713: 

Women can do anything

Do not let them into your thoughts 

82)

I am learning to live in the moment

again 

I do have to say

it is very challenging 

for me

My mind is always in a race

I have so many tasks on my plate

Desperately trying to escape 

Only to find myself trapped looking down at

my phone

I am learning this is when I need to

just breathe because it will give me the power

to handle anything

83)

Change is the hardest lesson in life

but once you learn to embrace it 

you are rewarded with

all the beauty it holds

84)

Things that make my soul happy:

Crisp fall air

The smell of brand-new books

The sound of my children giggling

Matthew’s smile

Doggy cuddles

When the Earth is 56 degrees with a slight rain

Coffee

Writing

85)

Self-love is probably the hardest life lesson

or so I have come to find

I know it may sound silly to most

but sometimes I wish I could end this life of mine

I have even convinced myself that others would too

eventually be relieved 

Without the presence of a self-wallowing being

Crying over things that others handle with ease

and airing her doubt into the breeze

86)

I am working on retiring my mind

from stressing all the time

It is consuming my every thought

Worrying about the littlest of things 

Instead of stopping and enjoying things like

the sound and smell of rain

87)

Meditation is saving my life

I know that sounds drastic

but I cannot stress enough 

how it has made everything right 

My brain is always playing tricks on me

and trying to fly through too many things at once 

Which has me always stressed and distraught to the point of no return 

Learning how to always be mindful of my breath

has helped me settle my mind and forget

All my stresses they melt away 

and I can continue conquering my day 

88)

Getting these emotions out in words is so therapeutic

Something about seeing them written out stops

the constant play track of them in my mind 

89)

I have a hippie’s soul

This much I know

I feel everything so deeply

and love nature with all my being 

90)

I enjoy nature most just before a storm

The wind clears my mind long enough to

understand the Earth is not mine

The strong rains wash away all my pain and 

gives me hope that I will be able to maintain

Once the sun starts to shine through

I begin to feel brand new

I can feel its rays on my face

and it gives me a feeling I never want to be erased 

91)

I have not been to the pacific coast, but I know it is where I must go

I can hear the cliffs calling my name

and smell the salty mist of rain

It is where I hope to find peace

My happy place, so that my soul has no more reasons to weep

92)

Oh, the sweet, sweet smell of rain

When I am blessed by your presence, I begin to feel new again 

Happiness rises within my soul

and I start to feel joy deep in my bones

93)

I am so grateful for the 

people who love me for me

the beautiful mess that I tend to be

94)

My favorite part of my life is all the

time that you have been by my side

I do not regret that we were so young

because growing with you has been hella fun

Our relationship has been filled with many highs

and disastrous lows

But even when loving you becomes temporarily tough 

I know I am meant to be by your side

So, I will never truly give up

We are not perfect and that is ok

We are still beautiful in every way 

95)

For ten years I have been holding your hand

and I still think about how we wrote our names in the sand

It was when our love was new

but I was confident it was true

I knew then what I know now

That life without you would be like

living under a dark cloud 

It was there on that beach that I decided

you were all I would ever need

96)

Our love is not perfect

but I would not change a thing

Even if sometimes we find ourselves 

screaming at each other in the rain

I know that you are who I am meant to be with

Your soul is my home

You will not be able to get rid of me 

I am here for it all

the beauty and the pain

97)

If someone asked me what my favorite thing to do was

The answer would come easily from my lips

Sitting in the passenger seat next to you 

is where I find my pure bliss

Road stretching for miles 

No destination in mind

Abundance of adventure awaits

I can see it on your face

This is where I feel at home

Holding your hand as we drive down the road 

98)

I have been loving you for a long time

So long that sometimes I forget how

grateful I am that you are mine

I have watched your eyes grow lines

and it is important that you know

they still take my breath away when

they look into mine

All this time has passed

Despite everyone saying our love will not last

But

Truth be told,

it is still you that I want to hold 

99)

My love for you goes past the moon and even Mars

It dances all among the stars 

It travels through the milky way and then out to the deepest of space

It projects from me for the universe to see

So that you know how much you mean to me 

100)

There is nothing more soothing than your touch

Especially when I feel as if I am ready to give life up

101)

Love is not always a beautiful road

because there is so far you must go 

While traveling down your path 

you will hit a rough patch

or even a few

When this occurs, it is vital to remember

all your happiest times together

This my dear, is the secret to lasting forever

102)

I could spend all my time with

you just laying in bed.

We could be doing our own

separate things in each other’s

company 

Or we could be watching

something new

Or even telling jokes and

drawing pen tattoos

Laying here comes so naturally

it has provided me with so many 

irreplaceable memories 

Moments that I cherish most

when I reflect on our love as a whole 

103)

My sons are my will to live

Without them, I would surely give in

I would get lost completely in my dark thoughts

Until there was nothing left of me for them to haunt 

My boys saved my life

This I know without a doubt

I surely would have starved myself

to death by now

I was on a long path of self-destruction

One that would scare any normal person 

But then I looked into my son’s big brown eyes

and now I am terrified to die

104)

Nothing is better than a fall night at home

With the smell of roasted pecans in the air

Cozy on the couch with the ones you love

Smiles all around putting off such a warming glow

Then there is the ever-so-pleasurable feeling of the brisk air hitting your face as you let the dogs out

Not to mention, the warm sweaters and PJs

Oh, what I would give to be able to feel this bliss

every day 

105)

One of My Life’s beautiful little ironies

I go to bed excited to wake up

the next day and enjoy that first cup

of hot coffee 

Only to wake up longing for more time in my bed 

106)

I really want to travel across the sea

Just to see what the journey would be

I want to hear the waves crashing out in front of me

and smell the sea within the breeze

I want to feel the ship’s steering in my hands

That way I will be able to channel my inner

Never Land 

107)

The sound of birds singing is most comforting to me because it

allows me to be where my heart truly wants to be 

Sitting on the porch in my rocking chair

with my Pa humming along beside me 

I can feel the warm air

and smell their home all around me 

I can hear my Granny watching TV

in the room behind me

I am happy again when I am here

Listening with my eyes closed to the birds

singing all around me 

108)

I have kept almost all the cards

you have ever given me

Now that you are gone, I am so glad

that I have them here with me

Seeing your handwriting breaks my heart

but brings some comfort too

Because I will always have this

piece of you on paper here

with me forever 

109)

I could not imagine a life without 

a dog

The sound of it feels all wrong

Who will greet me at the door

with love galore?

Dogs make everything better

The look in their eyes

makes me feel stronger than ever

My dogs are my closest friends

and my most trusted confidants

With me till the end

A life without them

I just cannot imagine

110)

I feel sincerely sorry for people who

are not loved by a dog

For it is the purest love one can find

With dogs, you are not always

reading in between the lines

Their needs are simple and easily met

Plus, there is never any judgment 

Dogs are born with the purest of souls

and are something to behold

Yea they may stink a little, but

I will take that any day

over a person who sucks all your happiness away 

111)

I can feel the positive changes

happening inside my brain

They now flow through my whole body 

Coursing in every part of my soul

I finally feel in control

While I must admit it is not all the time

the strength of this ability is always growing

Soon I will be the happy person

I always dreamed to be 

112)

I think it is important to say

That I do generally love me

The true me inside that is fighting to get out

The happy me

The free-spirited me

The hopeful dreamer

The me I was supposed to be

before the world broke me

just enough to let so much darkness in

I have been fighting to get it out ever since

I am determined to win 

The End.

*If you have enjoyed these poems and would like to support my work, please leave a review here: https://www.amazon.com/Gem-%C2%B7-I-ebook/dp/B0965R2YVL/ref=sr_1_1?crid=16VIF2PANKQEJ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.O5dwOc54ZvCDi0v457sTnw.qoB6A-W38SNmZD26YtnKP5kFzzMfSMoNJT37jxwPyyc&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+gem+in+i+britt+nichols&qid=1743700712&sprefix=the+gem+in+i+britt+nichols%2Caps%2C183&sr=8-1